Ashfur's Quest
by Panthersoup
Summary: Ashfur is the last hope of some cats in his clan after Dustpelt dies. But what happens when he discovers two abandoned,unusual kits at the sundrown place? They become brilliant, loyal warriors of course...Or do they REALLY? Random, stupid parody...thing.
1. The Journey Begins

_Last time I wrote, I wasn't sure if I wanted to be goofy and random or serious - so "Unheard Of" was a mixture of both. Now, to satisfy my goofy needs completely, I have started to write this...thing:_

_**Ashfur's Quest**_

_**You will read it. YOU WILL READ IT TILL YOUR EYES CAN'T READ IT NO MORE.**_

_Let's begin this masterpiece, shall we?_

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Chapter One: The Journey Begins

It was a bitter; cold leafbare evening. The bitter; cold aired nipped at the ThunderClan camp, where all of the warriors were relaxing under the bitter; cold full moon. It was moonhigh and there shouldn't have been so many cats in camp up and about, but tonight was different.

"That was a great nap", mewed Firestar, the ThunderClan leader, as he walked out his den and stretched. "Wow, what a dark, moonlit morning," he said to himself.

Sandstorm sighed and whispered something into his ear. "Ohh... OHH! OHHHHHH!", he said loudly, his voice suggested that he somehow got salt until a cut on his lip (which did not happen). "It's moonhigh? Oh foxdung, I'd better get going! ASHFUR, BIRCHFALL, DUSTPELT, AND GRAYSTRIPE! YOU'RE GOING TO THE GATHERING! BRAMBLECLAW, DROP THAT MOUSE YOU'RE EATING AND GET A MOVE ON!", he shouted hastily.

"May I come?", Hollypaw's small mew came from behind him. He lowered his head so it was level to hers.

"No, Hollypaw. I'm sorry. No apprentices this moon, we're in a hurry.", the ginger tom said sweetly, as if he were talking to a newborn kit.

"Bugger." the black she-cat growled as she jumped in her nest and fell asleep instantly.

.•°•°•.

The warriors set off on their journey to the island, even though it would be dawn by the time they got there. All attention soon was pointed to Ashfur, because he's the most important hero in this story.

Ashfur was walking next to the lake, humming a tune. His cheery hum was stopped when he heard mad coughing behind him. "H-help!!" It was the voice of senior warrior Dustpelt. "I'm coughing blood... I... I think I have blackcough and..." with one last hack, his eyes lost color and he fell over, drifting into an eternal sleep.

"He had blackcough! We're all going to die if somebody doesn't do something! It's highly contagious!", yowled Brambleclaw. "Somebody run of and get poppyseeds for us! They're the only thing that could possibly help, they'll make us sleep! Umm... How about you, Ashfur?"

Ashfur, who had just restarted his humming, stopped again. "What? Why me?"

"Because everybody else has already started walking again." The deputy pointed his tail to where his clanmates had been only moments before, now all that was there was grass and Dustpelt's rotting corpse.

"Foxdung!" Ashfur cursed under his breath. He raised his voice. "Fine...Where should I go? Back to camp?"

"No.", Brambleclaw replied with a voice that made him sound like a carnival physic. "You must go to the great beyond."

"What?", the gray warrior questioned.

"Sundrown place.", replied the tabby, sternly.

"Oh. Alright then. Bye!" He ran off, and he was fast, making him disappear from view in a matter of seconds.

"Goodbye, Ashfur.", Brambleclaw whispered. "You're so gonna die."

---

_Will Ashfur prevail and make it to the sundrown place and back within a day? Will ThunderClan miss the gathering? Will Brambleclaw ever catch up so he can boast how about how great a deputy he is at the gathering? You'll find out in ASHFUR'S QUEST, CHAPTER TWO: A ROYALLY LUCKY DISCOVERY!_


	2. A Royally Lucky Discovery

Chapter Two: A Royally Lucky Discovery

---

The wind blew hard on Ashfur's pelt as he ran, and ran, as he ran, and ran, as he ran, and ran, as he ran, and ran, as he ran, and ran, and... Does this cat ever get tired?!

"I must make it to the sundrown place I suddenly know the location of so well", he said to himself. "A handful of the whole clan is counting on me!"

The ground beneath him was grassy and soft. Sharp yet gentle blades of grass rose from the soil deep beneath the earth the handsome silverish warrior was running on, trampled by his paws but still living. It was leafbare, but the grass was one plant that was still green as ever, although some of it was tan, a sign of its death. Ashfur mourned that death of the crumpled up, dry grass blades he had stepped on and killed, before realizing that he was pouring his heart out towards the memory of a single piece of grass. Naturally he stopped and continued to run.

After running for hours that seemed like mere seconds, the tom tripped, spraining his front left ankle. As he struggled to get up, he was ready to curse the rock that had popped up right in front of him. But as soon as he turned around he discovered the it certainly wasn't a rock.

Two beautiful wailing kits were lying in the open field, so young that their eyes were yet to open. They were both toms, one was dark, dark, dark brown with a green stripe thing that stretched from his muzzle to his back, the other a pale gray like Ashfur with typical blood red stripes, a standard tabby kit.

"Oh my... They're so..." Ashfur was at a loss for words. "Ugly.", he managed to choke up. "Whoever abandoned these kits was right to."

Suddenly, Spottedleaf's ghost showed up. "Hey Ashfur. What up?"

Ashfur raised his nonexistent eyebrows. "Um... Spottedleaf? Why are you here?"

"I wanted to give you a freakin' prophecy you mousebrain." She cracked her gum as she spoke. "Leafpool's way too sensitive and goody-goody, and Firestar's too stupid to remember a gathering, for StarClan's sake. Anyway, if you don't take these kits I'll kill you and send you to the place of no stars."

"Okay...What's the prophecy?", Ashfur questioned.

"I just told you. Anyway, I've got to get going. See ya, loser." And with that the medicine cat poofed away majestically.

"Well...I guess I'll name them.", he muttered. "The gray one is royally lucky that he looks so much like a mouse, so I'll name him Royallyluckymousekit. And this brown one smells like rotting tree wod, so I guess I'm name him Foresktkit." He picked up both of the kits in his jaws and strolled off, humming (which is hard when you have two lumps in your mouth).


	3. Getting To Know The Apprentices?

•••

Chapter 3 : Getting To Know The... Apprentices?

"So...", Ashfur said, looking down at the two kits he had found. "Where did you come from?"

Forestkit, although timid, spoke first. "We were here as long as we can remember... We didn't have names... and I can't remember our mother at all..."

The warrior gasped. "You were abandoned here? For how long?"

"Since we were very, very small.", Royallylucklymousekit mewed quietly. "For three moons."

"Well, don't worry...", the elder gray tom mewed to the much smaller one, "I'll take care of you. And maybe Forestkit. You're prettier."

Suddenly, Spottedleaf poofed out of nowhere in front of our heroes (and Ashfur) in a bright cloud of majestic... Cloudiness.

"Oh, in the name of StarClan", Ashfur muttered, "What out of character demand are you gonna bark at me now?"

Laughter shone in the medicine cat's eyes. "Oh Ashfur my dear, I am perfectly in character now", she said in her soft, sweet voice. "I was just having a bad day, and my gum wasn't as long lasting as it said it would be on the package."

Awkwardly, the gray warrior looked down at his paws. "Alright... well, what is it?"

"These two", she whispered, directing her tail at Forestkit and Royallyluckymousekit, "Are ready."

Ashfur looked up at her, his face worried and questioning. "Ready... Ready for what?"

"Ready to become apprentices, of course!"

An awkward silence between the two lasted for a few seconds. The kits, however, just stared at her in wonder and amazement, and in Forestkit's case, confusion.

"They're... They're only kits, Spottedleaf. They're three moons old", Ashfur finally mewed, softly as to not anger the StarClanner in front of him. He waited for an explanation from her, but as soon as he finished uttering his words, she began to float away.

"Oh, mousedung...", he cursed. "Spottedleaf! Come back! Come-"

"She's gone. Am I an apprentice now? Can I learn how to fight? Can I learn how to hunt? Can I learn about physics?!", Royallyluckymousekid mewed loudly, bouncing up and down.

"Well, I... I guess so", said the warrior, stuttering. "I, I'm a bit.. a bit confused but I guess-"

"YAY!", the kits shouted in unison, jumping on Ashfur's back. "We're gonna learn how to be like you!"

"Stop!", Ashfur growled, silencing the pair. "I can't train you yet. I'm on a quest, remember? I told you that I have to-"

"Save SkyClan?" Forestkit meowed excitedly.

The gray tom sighed. "No, I need to find poppy seeds to save my clan from a terrible, incurable disease."

"Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!", Royallyluckymousekit cried out. "I have this! This will help!"

The red striped kit ran out of sight from his adopted father and his brother. When Ashfur and Forestkit saw the kit run back towards them, he was carrying an unusual object in his jaws. _It smells wonderful, _though Ashfur. _Can this save the sick cats of ThunderClan?_

"Got it!", the small tabby tom mewed as he dropped the object in his mouth in front of Ashfur. "It's called a poppy seed muffin."

"Muffin?", Ashfur queued. "What's a muffin?"

Excitement gleamed in Royallylucklymousekit's eyes. "You'll see...", he whispered. His voice faded away, and was replaced by the gentle mew of Spottedleaf. "Only muffins can save our Clan."


	4. Brambleclaw's Quest, Also

It's been so, so long since I updated. You're welcome for that! Sorry I have to write another chapter. If you're not too angry with me, here it is.

**•••**

**Chapter 4 : Brambleclaw's Quest, also**

Brambleclaw was just returning back to camp after running as fast as his legs could carry him. "Firestar!" he called as he ran over to his leader's den, "I have urgent news!"

"You missed the gathering?" yawned Firestar as he walked out of his den.

"Not only that, but you forgot to come with us." The deputy sighed. "I… Dustpelt… He died of blackcough."

Firestar sprang to his paw, his fur standing on end. "Blackcough?!" He yowled. "It's highly contagious! How's the rest of the group? Are they alright?"

"No, they all died minutes later", Brambleclaw began, "But don't worry. I sent Ashfur to get poppyseeds from sundrown place. We'll be fine."

Suddenly, Leefpool ran over to them, her eyes full of shock. "Brambleclaw!" she called, "Did I hear you mention blackcough in ThunderClan?"

"That is correct," Brambleclaw nodded, worried of what the medicine cat would think. "Ashfur's getting poppyseeds."

The tabby she-cat gasped. "The prophecy!" Her ears widened and she stared blankly at the arrior. Brambleclaw stared back, confused.

After a few minutes of confusion and silence, Firestar spoke up. "You mean..."

"Yes," Leafpool mewed, nodding. "There will be one, looking for poppyseeds to cure blackcough, who finds two, mouse and forest, who will come together and shake muffins to their roots, eating them, turning the lake a slightly more pleasant blue color."

"Oh StarClan, it's true!" Firestar buried his face in his paws. "They'll become so powerful, they'll overthrow me and because joint leaders!"

Brambleclaw looked at Firestar and Leafpool, horribly lost and slightly disturbed. "...What?"

The orange leader narrowed his eyes and directed his gaze towards Brambleclaw. "Brambleclaw, as my deputy, I am sending you on a quest," he began. "Find Ashfur and kill the two known as 'mouse' and 'forest'."

Stepping back from his leader, the brown tabby opened his mouth to speak, but only after a few moments brought himself to say anything. "I don't understand this prophecy! What-"

Leafpool snarled at the deputy. "You heard Firestar!" she growled. "ThunderClan as we know it is counting on you! Go to the sundrown place!"

Brambleclaw dipped his head in defeat. "Fine... But Firestar, promise me that this time, you'll put in a replacement deputy while I'm gone."

"Certainly," meowed Firestar. "It will be Jaypaw."

This caused another awkward silence. Leafpool eventually stammered out and "Uhm... Okay", and Brambleclaw dashed off, eager to get as far away from ThunderClan as he could.


	5. Do You Know the Muffin Man?

•••

**Chapter 5: Do You Know the Muffin Man?**

Ashfur stared at the unusual object, bewildered. He definitely recognized the poppy seeds - the little black dots atop the 'muffin'. It smelled delicious, and contained the remedy he needed to save his Clan, but how could more of these muffin-things be the last hope of ThunderClan? And more importantly, why the Dark Forest did Royallyluckymousekit just speak in Spottedleaf's voice?

"How will these muffins save our Clan?" the warrior asked the striped kit. Royallyluckymousekit just shrugged.

"I dunno. But I do know that we're gonna need more," he replied firmly. "Not just because they'll save your Clan, but they're delicious."

"Lemmie try, lemmie try!" cried Forestkit and he shoved his face into the delicious muffin. He ate the entire treat in a matter of gulps. Then, suddenly feeling exhausted, he sat down on the soft grass. "Oh... Now I feel sleepy."

"It's the poppy seeds," assured Ashfur. "You just need to get some rest."

Royallyluckymousekit flicked his tail. "I should get some rest, too. I had to go all the way to the Bakery to get that muffin."

Ashfur's ears perked upon hearing the unfamiliar word. "What's a bakery?", he asked the kit.

The small tom's eyes were shining with excitement. "It's a GREAT place!", he wailed. "They sell cake and cookies and muffins and-"

"I'm not sure I'm following you," Ashfur interrupted. "What a cake, and a cookie?"

"Come with me," Royallyluckymousekit, whispered, gesturing to the north with his tail. "We can let Forestkit sleep."

"Whatever," Ashfur shrugged. "He'd be no loss, anyway. Let's go."

•••

Brambleclaw took a few deep breaths and he sat down, his sides heaving. He was finally at the sundrown place, his destination, and even better, he was far from camp. "Whew. I'm just glad I'm not going to be pushed around by a moronic apprentice," he mewed in relief, forgetting that Jaypaw was his son. "Now... Where to find those prophecy cats..."

He looked around the grassy area he was standing on for another cat. "Nope... Nothing." Suddenly, the tabby's eyes were caught by a sudden movement behind a nearby bush. The ThunderClan deputy stalked behind the obstacle, eager to see if it was another cat. A certain scent drifted by as the wind blew. Yep... That has to be a cat.

The tom pounced, eager to see who he had captured. He looked between his paws to see a wailing, unusually patterned kit, helpless in his grasp. "Oh my StarClan!" he gasped, breathlessly. He quickly, but gently, freed the small tom and licked his ear.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you," he whispered gently. "I was looking for someone. I won't do that again. I promise."

The small one calmed down after hearing Brambleclaw's reassuring voice. "M-my name is Forestkit," he stammered.

"Well, Forestkit," Brambleclaw began, "Where are you parents? You seem awfully small. Do you belong to a Clan?"

The brown kit stumbled up on his legs. "Well... I guess I'm sort of a Clan cat... And I have a dad..."

"Where is he?"

"He went to the Bakery with my brother," Forestkit mewed. "He's very nice."

"Well, you can't be out here all alone in such a dangerous place. We have to find him." Brambleclaw picked up the small tom. "Which way is this Bakery place?"

Forestkit was confused by the warrior's sudden appearance, but still felt that he could be trusted. "It's up north," he replied.

"Good then. Let's go... Wait, why do you smell like rotting tree wood?"

•••

"Wow, it smells wonderful in here!"

Ashfur looked around the Bakery, pleased with what he was seeing. It was bright and pleasant, smelling strongly of many unfamiliar, but apparently delicious, foods. Royallyluckymousekit simply looked around the shop impatiently. "He should be here by now..."

Before Ashfur could ask who he was waiting for, a bulky twoleg walked in, a cream cat at his side. The twoleg patted Royallyluckymousekit on the head, but Ashfur hissed when he tried to pat him. The twoleg back off, surprised, staring at Ashfur as he walked behind the counter.

"Ah, Butter!" mewed the kit. "I've been waiting for you!"

The kittypet, Butter, dipped his head. "Good to see you again so soon, Royallyluckymousekit. Who's your friend?"

A very angry Ashfur growled a response for him. "I'm Ashfur," he snarled, "And what's a kittypet like you doing with my kit?"

Butter backed away slightly. "I don't understand..." the cream cat muttered.

"It's okay," Royallyluckymousekit mewed to the warrior, "He's my friend, and he can get us more muffins."

"Well, I can't," responded the cream colored tom. "But Muffin Man can."

"Who's Muffin Man?" Ashfur inquired. Butter pointed his tail at the twoleg behind the counter. "My owner. He can get you as many muffins as you want. Just act real nice and sweet."

Ashfur snarled at the kittypet. "Why would I suck up to a twoleg like that? I can get those muffins from him without having to act like a kittypet! Watch!"

The gray tom ran over to the twoleg, scratching his legs furiously. He yelped in pain, giving Ashfur a chance to swipe a few of the baked goods. Jumping up on the counter, he grabbed a few muffins off of a strange metal leaf, and ran of with them in his mouth, stopping in front of Butter.

"See? I have the muffins, and I didn't have to-" before he could finish speaking, Muffin Man ran over and hit him with one of the things twolegs wear on their bottom paws. He yowled in pain, dropping the muffins, which Muffin Man hastily picked up as he returned to his post. Butter and Royallyluckymousekit giggled.

"Okay, point taken," admitted Ashfur. "Suck up to Muffin Man."

Royallyluckymousekit looked longingly at the muffins. "Yes, but it will still to a while to get the amount of muffins we need."

Not willing to give up, Ashfur stood up and gestured at the muffins. "No problem! We'll get these muffins no matter how long it takes!"

Just then, the three heard than cat door flap at the front of the store. A bulky brown tabby walked in, carrying a tiny, dark kit. Butter examined the two, trying to see i he recognized either of them. "Hey, who are those two?"

Ashfur's belly flipped. "Oh StarClan, no, no. Please don't be-"

The arger tom lifted dropped the kit and lifted up his head. Both Ashfur and the tom gasped when their eyes met. The kit simply looked at Ashfur. "Hi, daddy!" he exclaimed.

The tabby's gaze rapidly shifted between the kit and Ashfur. "Forestkit," he whispered, "Are you sure that's them?" The kit nodded.

Ashfur sighed. "Yeah... It's me," he muttered. "What do you want, Brambleclaw?"

Brambleclaw narrowed his eyes at the fellow warrior. "Originally, I just wanted to bring Forestkit back to his family," he explained suspiciously. "But now..."

"Well, you did. Now what?"

Brambleclaw lifted his head a bit, so his gaze met Ashfur's. "I'll have to kill all three of you."


End file.
